Monday, October 19, 2015

No time to slow down now!

WOW!  What an amazing week with my kids at Disney World.  There are so many memories that I hope the have that will stick with them for the rest of their lives.  Having my little girl on my shoulders watching the fireworks was priceless to me. I also taught her how to swim under water without holding her nose...she has always loved the water, now she is so much more confident.  Truly great memories.

One thing that kinda upset me was the high percent of families that were there.  A lot of them were stressed out and some were arguing, but it made me a bit sad that my kids don't have both parents that could bring them to a place like that together.

I know that I will never have that feeling of falling in love again, never have that close personal relationship, or that intimacy with someone else, I understand that and can accept that.  Why would someone want to invest their time and efforts on a person who is not going to be there in a matter of months or years?  I get that and am ok with that.

Busy week ahead...Dr's and lawyers appointments, family pictures, finishing up a project for a friend, some time spent at Anne's school, and maybe, just maybe getting this divorce finalized.

Tuesday starts my off week for chemo so I should feel pretty good for the week.

I was told by a certain someone that I should not take my motorcycle trip, or take my kids to Disney by myself in case I got sick...screw that!  I had back up plans for both trips and have been feeling fine with the exception of the day of and the day after my infusions.  I refuse to sit in my house, afraid something bad might happen while I wither away and die.  I think living as normal of a life as possible had partially kept me alive this long.  Now either my diet is pickling my insides, or rushing me to a heart attack faster than cancer call take over my body, either way I am investigating making a big change on that front.

I have decided to get my motorcycle repainted in purple for two reasons...first it is the color of Pancreatic Cancer and as I try and get more involved in fighting this disease I think it is appropriate, and second, it is my daughters favorite color.  I'm keeping that motorcycle for her in case she wants it later in her life.  Now I just need something to say on it.

I love my life, it may not be everything I wish it was, but it is where I am at and I am happy with that.

#neversurrender  #nevergiveup

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