Am I scared of dying?? a legitimate question that i either I am asked or think of on a deadly basis.
Part of me says says yes...There is a lot of uncertainty after I take my my last breath, more like how do the people around me react, what about my kids, my parents, this amazing woman I have found in Holly, Jennifer and Jenni who have been my friends for going on 2 decades..not to mention all the friends i have met along this journey. A lot of those things are out of my control and maybe thats what scares me.
Other other part og my says no, I'm not scared of dying. I am on month 42 of a life that was supposed to 12 months. i think i am getting my monies worth, but at tine the constant pain and the inability of my body to function at times tells me that the time is rapidly approaching..I still have my wind with my weird sense of humor, but I don't think I am that funny anymore!!
Do there have been plenty of questions about who this new girl in my life is and what she wants...truth is that all she she wanted is time with me. She knows how this ends, know there is no pot of gold at the end, she still signed up. I told her she missed a lot of the easy times, she still signed o. As you may know Pancreatic Cancer is one of the most painful ways to die, she is there through it all. If I need something she will get it and bring it you me. Pretty amazing knowing how this all ends.
So the answer " are you scared of dying", yes I am, but I have the easy job, if it was easy them it would be no big deal
I just hope my kids, my family, my friends know how much I am going to miss them, and how hard I have been fighting to keep going one more daay!