Tuesday, September 29, 2015

1900 miles in...

I was hoping to do this more on this trip, but between not having a power cord, and trying to save video I have not gotten around to it...so here is the quick update on the trip.

This trip has been great for my mind and soul.  I love being on my bike, and I do it mostly by myself, but this kind of adventure really gives you time to think and really try to make sense of where you are (that includes getting lost a time or two)!

This has truly been an adventure, from beautiful overlooks in Arkansas, to riding around in the French Quarter in New Orleans, to riding through flood warnings in Florida, to leaning what a Davenport is and the mystery shot,  to have the UBER driver that about killed me, this trip has been everything I have expected and more.

Physically, besides a little sore backside I am doing great.  I planned this trip to make the days manageable in case I got tired.  There have been days I could have gone longer, but there were natural stops in the trip so it made it nice. I got to see two of my favorite people in Houston. After 5 hours in the chair, I got Anne's tattoo done, a mermaid done just a few blocks from the Gulf.  I think she will love it.  Had a good time celebrating a friends birthday, but some of the pictures have to stay hidden!  Lets just say the dance floor was the island of misfit toys!

Emotionally, wow!  There has been a lot on my plate recently, and as most of it will come to an end in the next few weeks, it was great jus to have time to breathe in world around you without going down the road at 80 in a sound proof piece of metal cage.  btw: does all of Arkansas smell like catfish bait?  One of the biggest lessons I have learned on this trip is to let things go...so you planned on being at the hotel by 5 but your going to get there at 7...thats OK.  Change what you can and let the rest fall into place.

The beach in Navarre was beautiful.  It was actually really neat to see the storms building off the coast while sitting on the beach.  I wanted to stay longer, but will head back down soon, this time on of those flying things.

Forgiveness is hard coming to me right now.  I'm trying very hard to extend the grace that has been given to me, but for some reason I am struggling with it.  I still feel betrayed and lied to, and that makes it hard to forgive.  Does punishing a person, or getting revenge help with finding forgiveness or does it just do the opposite and push you farther away by making you feel as though you have some how settled the score? At the same time should we not hold people accountable for their actions as we have been help accountable for ours?

Maybe I just need another evening on a couch in a bar with a beverage in my hand talking about life with someone that knows me way to well!

Time to go to bed and get some sleep before a long day on the Natchez Trace Parkway in the morning!

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Don't Say I Can't

I leave this public, honestly because I have nothing to hide.  If people want to try and use this against me for their own gain, go right ahead.

I named this blog dontsayicant for a reason.  People are really good at tell others they can't achieve things.  Why is that?  Why are we not encouraging to the people around us and understanding that even though they might fail, as a person who cares about them you and will help pick them up and brush them off?

This season in my life is frustrating...I can feel old stressors coming back...ones that I have not felt for months, and I can feel my attitude change, I can feel how I deal with my kid differently.  My own frustration, being pissed off, is taking a toll on my life, on how I am treating the people around me. If someone wants to make choices that are contrary to what I want then that is their decision, and of course we all know that we each have to deal with the consequences of our decisions, I know I do.

So tomorrow I leave on a 12 day, 11 state, 2600 mile trip, just me and squishy!.  Part of which is to go to Houston and get scans and tests done, go to Florida to see some old, and some new friends :), and to clear my mind.  I know that there is a bunch of crap I am coming back to, but while I am gone none of that matters.  I may have failed multiple times as a husband, not been the greatest friend, but I know that I am loved by God, and that I am loved by my children.  I can't wait to wake up to gulf coast sunrises, and ride beautiful roads, stopping when I want and admiring what God has made for us.  I broke down and bought a selfie stick so I get to be in the pictures too!

Until then it is spending time with my kids, soccer games, movies, and lots of hugs and kisses.

Don't tell  me I can't, because I bound to prove you wrong!

Sunday, September 13, 2015

Weekends over and I have to go to work tomorrow...oh wait never mind!

I never thought it would be possible to loose track of what day it is...but I do that all the time now.  I have to have my assistant keep all my appointments on her phone so that I don't forget where I need to be!

It was a good weekend, a couple of soccer games, a couple of rides, getting more things ready for the trip, and just enjoying living again.  Played with the GoPro again.  Still working on it before I leave, but got a little in:


Went to Mass tonight, always good for the head, to realize what has been given up for you even though you never can deserve it. I was having a conversation the other day with someone and I told them I am in this weird place where I question my faith in God, I question if I truly believe that I can hand over my life to him, as scarred as I am, as many mistakes as I have made, that he loves he and accepts me.  The reply I got was, "Isn't it nice to know that no matter what how much you question the answer is still the same?"

Today's Gospel reading was Mark 8 : 25-37 which concludes with:

"Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,
take up his cross, and follow me. 
For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,
but whoever loses his life for my sake
and that of the gospel will save it.”

Does that not make you wonder what your cross is?  What is it in your life that you have to pick up and basically give to God.  We all have our "crosses to bear", but what is it in your life that is holding you back from the life you could have?  Is it what people think about you, is it a fear of failure, is it regret, or is it something physical that your dealing with...whatever it is pick up that cross and loose your life by giving it to God, thats the only way you will truly live.

I hope everyone had a good weekend...Have a great day at work!  I have a very important appointment tomorrow!

Thursday, September 10, 2015

Where I'm supposed to be

Last time I wrote it was about how we see our life when we are young, how perfect it will be, then life happens and we look back on our lives in our 40's, 50's and realize its no where close to how we though it ought to be....but is it?

I never saw myself as being 41 years old, single, married twice, and having a short life expectancy. Maybe this is where God wants me to be, or maybe it is the road I am supposed to go down.  I know that I have not always made the best decisions, and I am to blame for that, but if I really ask how I am still living 2+ years after I was supposed to die, then how can I not ask if this is where God wants me, he is after all the giver and taker of life.  I believe that I am here because God is not finished with me yet, I am not at a place where I can spend eternity with him.  I don't know what the plan is, how much longer I have to live, but I do know this, whatever comes my way I know its for a reason, and that I have to learn from it.  It may not be what I want when I want it, but I have to deal with it.

So...GoPro sucks right now in my mind.  I order a new GoPro for my trip and the freakin WIFI does not work on it.  I get the "send it back to us and when we get it we will send you a new one"  I asked if that would happen in a week?  Heck no....so I told them I was unhappy with the one that I got and wanted to return it within their 30 day guarantee, then I ordered a new one....it will be here Monday.

Depending on a bunch of things I am going to TRY and upload some videos of my journey during the evenings when I have time.  I have no idea what the internet speeds will be so it might be a problem, but I will be in some great areas and hopefully the videos turn out as good as I want them to.

Off to get the kiddo's!  Best part of the day!